Bubble Bathtime Banter

Today has been one of those days where the last thing you want to do before going to bed is have a lovely, long, relaxing bubble-bath. So, having eaten dinner, watched the new series of Atlantis (which is AMAZING, everyone should watch it), had a cup of tea and eaten my favourite dessert, I went upstairs to run myself a bath. I put in a new 'smelly', one of my sister's as I couldn't find my peppermint one, and went to get my hair dye.

I spent a good 10 minutes at the mirror applying my new colour, making sure it was spread evenly through my hair, I turned round just  in time to catch my shower hose spraying water all over the bathroom. Bit of back ground here; my taps don't work, haven't for ages, so we run baths with the shower. Most of the time it behaves itself and will stay in the bath without problems, but today it took the opportunity to catch me at precisely the worst moment possible---hair dye all over my face and gloves, I rushed over to grab the hose, my hands being slippy from the applying of said hair dye, it took a few seconds to grab firmly onto the shower hose. Hair dye now all over the bath and shower, I put the hose between my knees to keep it steady whilst i took my gloves off. I then thought it a great idea to reach over for my towel...on the other side of the room. So clearly water goes everywhere AGAIN, I fall over naked as a baby, trying to point the hose in the direction of the bathtub whilst mopping up hair dye and water around me in the process. 

Eventually, I made it to the, now full, bath, sliding down into the beautiful heat around me, I stumble across another dilemma; I cant lean against the back of the bath otherwise I would get hair dye all over it. Crumbs. So another great idea pops into my head....I am going to shave my legs to keep myself entertained (you must think me one hell of a boring person if entertainment comes from shaving ones legs. It has been a long day my friends). I prop one leg on the side of the bath, add shower gel, lather up my legs....and start to slide down into the soapy suds. Oh for goodness sake, can I NOT catch a break tonight?! Having finally managed to shave my legs (sort of successfully) and still not get my hair under the water---a big achievement I must say, I checked my phone to see I had left my hair dye on a little longer than planned, so I go about washing it out and it is a little darker than expected, but that's fine. 

I jump out of the shower, wash down the sides of the bath and clean up the rest of the hair dye (mum and dad if you are reading this, it didn't look like a crime scene in the bathroom, I promise...) I jump into my pjs and settle down with a nice cup of tea...to find I smell like a BLOODY CUSTARD CREAM!?!?! Humph. Another day, another first world problem. Tomorrow, I will chose a shower.

The Ghosts of Kings Cross

All of us are going to die one day. So if we all live like our last day was yesterday.....that would make us all ghosts. And we could scare the crap out of each other by walking through walls and appearing randomly. When I was walking through kings cross I walked past the clock with the exact time of a group of people dying during as a tribute to a fire which took place many years ago and it got me thinking about the thousands of people who walk through this station and how many millions before them. Which led my crazy mind to start thinking about the ghosts that would 'patrol' the corridors of kings cross.... I'm guessing most people have stopped reading now, but for the few fun crazy people like myself who are still reading I apologize for the way my mind works..... Here goes.

So, anyway, as I walked through Kings Cross from the Northern Line to the Hammersmith and City, I saw this clock and I started to imagine all of these people from different eras wondering around. Let me tell you a few stories I made up.

The gentlemen with only one leg dressed fully in WW2 uniform, a backpack on and crutches walking into the safety of the bunker below. He acknowledges no-one yet a young lady offers an arm. He briefly looks up to see a gorgeous set of bright red lips stood in front of him (a body attached of course but go with me on this one....). His somber face cracks the briefest of smiles and a very polite, slightly northern "alright love?" He allows her help and a love story concurs. 

The nurse coming underground from a hard days work, long black coat wrapped tightly around her, a red scarf and black court shoes. She is carrying nothing. She is thinking about the patient who died in her arms today, a lovely young boy, aged only 14, who had been caught in a house fire, his face badly scarred and always slipping in and out of consciousness. He responded well to this nurse who read him to sleep every night. She missed last nights shift due to bad weather conditions keeping her snowed in at home. She came in this afternoon to find him holding on, just to see her pretty face one last time. They say don't get attached to your patients but there are those who you will never forget.

The teenager who wants to get away from the biting cold if only for an hour or two. Too proud to beg for anything, he sits at the bottom of the stairs hiding away from the hundreds of people who ignore him. He has no shoes on. Another boy walks past, stops briefly, takes out a spare pair of trainers he has in his bag and a sandwich, gives it to the teenager and walks away without saying anything. What this stranger didn't know was that he had made this boys night and he would find a nice sheltered door way to sleep with a smile on his face that night.

The busker who once played violin at the last night of the proms but cannot seem to find work now. She plays some of the most heart wrenching music, a few passers by stop to listen, drop a few coins in and walk on. Later, as the tubes close down for the night, she will go and find herself a small cafe and order one tea and a slice of cake with the money she made. She doesn't perform for the cash, she performs for the people and her love of music.

.....now I am back to reality. Can you just imagine if this was so, if these ghosts walked the hallways of Kings Cross living the same moment every day, completely oblivious to everyone else around them? Or am I just crazy? Who knows? Happy thinking 

It's all a-buzz in Clophill

My family, being as insane as we are, decided to take part in a scarecrow competition in our village and my Dad being my Dad....took things one step too far. As per usual.

Dad doesn't like doing things by half so when Mum came up with the idea of a scarecrow bee-keeper dreaming of 'people' bees (don't ask) the creation began...

...with Dad re-creating places of our little village into bee related puns. And so we had The Stone Bug pub, a classroom in a the school, OAB hive and just to put the comb in the honey Dad only went a built a bloody castle for the Queen Bee. 

With this mini project starting out as a bit of fun, we got a bit serious. A trip to Hobbycraft happened to buy eyes for the bees, my sewing machine came out to make a mini bee cloak for the queen and mini bee curtains for the OAB hive and then we went one further still and made glasses for the OAB's themselves.

My father and friends, being the punny people they are, couldn't resist the appalling jokes which naturally come attached to such things; "It looks bee-ta-full", "How does a bee get to school? By Buzz", "Where does a bee go on holiday? Stingapore". And then we went further and NAMED the bees--- the Bobee (which is chasing a freakin' wasp stealing nectar for goodness sake), the Bar-Bee, the Babees, the list continued and it all got a little bit too much, I think we started to go a bit crazier than normal as I am STILL having bee puns with fellow pun enthusiasts 2 weekends later...

With us being the way we are, we knocked the nectar out of the flower and I think it is safe to say we won! Until the next time bloggers, it is Halloween around the corner after all... we do a damn good pumpkin patch. Stay tuned xxx

Joyously British

A few nights ago I was driving home at about midnight and was listening to Radio 2 and they were talking about being "Joyously British" and it got me thinking; how can we say as Brits we are joyful when all we seem to do is complain or we open a newspaper to find depressing stories about a paedophile who planned to abduct, abuse and eat a child, or a woman who's house got burnt down with her 3 children inside, or a family who abused their 4 year old son so badly that he died at 1.5 stone. These things just don't seem so Joyously British to me. So I'm going to tell you what I believe is truly joyful about being a Brit and why I am proud of this country.

Let's start with the food side of things - afternoon tea. This is purely blissful. Sometimes my housemates and I will just pop the kettle on and make a pot of tea and sit at the kitchen table with homemade cakes and sandwiches just because we can and a cup of tea makes everything better. Fish and chips, a good old English classic. Walking along Brighton pier all wrapped up against the wind, the gorgeous sea air whipping your hair across your face and a nice big hearty bag of fish and chips to accompany you. Pretty picture yes? And my third favourite, an English classic - a Sunday roast with all the trimmings; beef, Yorkshire puds, peas, carrots, broccoli, stuffing, roast tatties and lashings of gravy. Perfect for a cold winters day yet still just as perfect in the middle of summer.

Another reason why I love being British is the Royal Family. I wouldn't say I am a royalist but I love that we still have a royal family and I support this completely and love the tourism that gets brought into London for the love of the queen. Just look how many people from all over the world turned up in London for the royal wedding. That just goes to show how amazing this small island is.

Other reasons for loving the Brit in me is that we love to queue. Recently I went on holiday with a girlfriend and as polite as the British are, we waited in a queue for food only to have every other nation barge in front and help themselves rudely to what they should have waited for. "well don't you just love being British, we are definitely the most polite nation" --- safe to say my friend got a few glances at this comment.

Also to come out of Britain are some of the best musicians known to man who changed the face of music; The Beatles. When asked by a friend of mine "who is better known, the Beatles or Queen"  stupid question my friend. Although Queen are amazing and lyrically phenom, The Beatles changed the pop world. Everyone can name at least 5 Beatles tracks, will hate yellow submarine and have heard so many covers they wouldn't know how to deal with it. This band can make anyone laugh or cry and just think about life and in my eyes they are sound! In their time they were known for their love of creating music all over the world, not for twerking inappropriately.

Anyway, I am a Brit and I am a lover of life. There are so many things I could write about why I love being British, but I think the most amazing thing for me is that this country has so much to offer from its land and the history of this country is so beautiful that you just can't take enough time to explore it. With this, I am going to spend a few weeks in the new year exploring different parts of Britain, painting the scenery and writing a lot. Happy Reading. 

Going Underground?

The underground seems to have a lot of unwritten rules that, if aren't followed, can turn into a very unfortunate train journey indeed.

This morning on my way in to work, it was the usual rush of people cramming themselves into a carriage so tight that, from the outside, it looks like some form of clown car with people piling in and out at their relevant stations. Fortunately I managed to get on first time at 8am....but got stuck right in the middle of the carriage so when my first exit came.... I couldn't get off. Luckily I have picked up the Londoners rude ways of not saying "excuse me" nice and politely, but barging through, my umbrella brandished in front of me as my only form of weapon. Now, this reminds me of those happy mums with pushchairs, ramming people's ankles if you get too close and forcing their way through the crowds of the bumbling underground. I have a theory ; most of these women have dolls in there. Not children. Maybe I should get a pram....

So, having managed to get off at Kings Cross, I knew the worst leg of the journey was yet to come .... The Hammersmith and City line at 8.25am. Kill me now. So I fought my way through the crowds, girls with pointy elbows jabbing into my sides and men with briefcases and backpacks swinging them around (I really am surprised there isn't a battle cry for the morning commuters) and missed 2 trains before finally managing to be one of the sardines on the 3rd train to go by. Eventually, 1 stop later I managed to squeeze past and make my way out. And whilst walking in the 'fresh' London air after this morning routine, it got me thinking about the etiquette of the tube.

When standing up in a packed train, people try their damned hardest to do a few things :
1. Whatever you do, do not catch other people's eye. It ends in an awkward battle of 'please don't think I'm weird' between the 2 of you so you admire their shoes instead 

2. Make everything as small as possible so as not to touch anyone  around you 

3. Read the metro over someone's shoulder and pray they don't catch you doing it 

4. Don't talk. Just. Don't. People will look at you like you are some form of alien. The one time I spoke to someone on the tube when first moving to London I regretted it hugely!! That's a story for another time.... 

5. Don't smile at people. Everyone on the tube has a thought in common "I would rather be anywhere else right now" so yay for the grumps that know they are all thinking that, yet won't acknowledge it

I'm not entirely sure which I prefer ---morning trains or the last tube home which is packed full of drunken, loud, obnoxious men who think they are gods gift to women.

Last Christmas on the tube home from a party, I bumped into one of these men. In a bright Christmas jumper no less who decided it would be a good idea to start singing Fairytale of New York down the train at me. I say 'at me' because I kept my head down and wished more than anything that I had my headphones!! As he threw himself down next to me I had to endure a 20 minute journey of trying to not throw up from the vile smell coming from his breath where he had clearly projectile vomited somewhere recently, make up a fake name and number and finally had to run away at my stop because he thought it was a good idea to try and walk me home. Now that, you lovely gentlemen, is how to woo a girl.

There are many weird and wonderful stories I could tell you but I fear I may be here all day. As I sit on the tube now with 2 more stops to go. All I can think is "thank you Big G for the invention of vino"

Charity Shopper Stopper

On the second day of arriving in Edinburgh, we decided to go out for a team lunch at a lovely pub around the corner from the apartment. When we left it was beautiful sunshine, we all didnt bother taking out jackets and were all wearing sunglasses. When we left the pub....it was chucking buckets. 

So what to do when it is raining cats and dogs? Go charity shopping of course. Myself and Bedside have a massive addiction to charity shops so when we spotted 10 on the opposite side of the road, we rushed over to the cash point to get out money. Getting absolutely drenched on the way I might add. 

I was instructed to find some "adult clothes" for Little Leaf so was trawling through looking for a lovely dress for her when I get dragged over by one of the boys to be pointed out a gorgeous jumpsuit (who knew, men have such amazing fashion sense!!) so item number one was bought. The next shop we go. 

This time I head straight over to the men's jackets where Tophalf and Bedside were trying on beautiful suits. I am welcomed to a sea of "do you like this one?" and "which one is better?" so I put my designer hat on (not that it ever really comes off) and got picking out my favourite suit jackets....Only to be pulled from one shop into another by Magic. "I have found the PERFECT shoes for you" Intrigued, I follow him to find a gorgeous pair of office brogues at just £7. Low and behold they are the perfect fit so I went up to the counter with them, massive grin on face to find that, actually, I can get them for £5. Oh the beauties of being a chatty girl with a male shop assistant. To the next shop we go.  

Little Leaf and I head straight for the skirts and find some really classy, floral prints, so I wait outside whilst she tries them all on. We finally decided on a little peach one when Magic comes  into said shop and drags me out again. "Look what I found" For those of you know don't know me, I shall tell you now, I love Berol pens. They are beautiful and slightly felt-tip like, but thin enough to write with, they are basically my ideal pen. Moments before I had been saying how you just dont find them anymore but upon being dragged into another shop I am shown 3 Berol pens. Good find Magic Man!! I go back into the shop where I left Little Leaf to find her paying and we head into the next shop..... And see that everyone has disappeared. At this point of the trip, I had NO idea where on earth we were so prayed we were walking in the right direction to find all the boys trying on mustaches in a joke shop. Never a dull day in TheatreLand!! 

Toast, Monopoly and Scotch Bonnets

Here we have it....another few stories to add to the ever growing pack of Edinburgh Antics. As we were all poor (and still are....) lowly people living up in Edinburgh, we decided to entertain ourselves most evenings so as not to 1. Drink ourselves into oblivion by 5pm every night and 2. Not to spend money we all didn't have.

As I previously mentioned, I was living with 1 other girl and 8 guys so, of course, many a joke had to be played... One 'joke' that stands out quite vividly for me is one that happened quite early on. Bedside was dared to eat 6 pieces of buttered toast in 10 minutes. Easy. Anyone would think so....surely. Well, said challenge was accepted and after the first 4 pieces, he couldn't handle anymore. Everyone just assumed he was being a massive wimp, so, P'ree accepted the challenge of 2 pieces in 1 minute. Half a piece down and he too gave up. Magic then stepped up to the mark of 1 piece in 30 seconds. Half a piece later and he also gave up. What we failed to realise was sat in the corner were Dogwig and Tophalf giggling away to themselves.... they had only gone and smothered the butter with salt..... and given Bedside salt poisoning in the process. Poor guy had to throw his life up a few times, turn green and hide away under a duvet for the rest of the night. BOYS.... Jokes can sometimes go too far.... maybe this was one of those times. 

In Edinburgh, as I am sure a lot of you know, it rains.... too much. So, to keep ourselves entertained we decided to play a game of Monopoly. Not normal Monopoly I might add, no, they wanted to play drinking Monopoly. The rules went as followed
1. If you roll over a 6....drink
2. if you pass go...drink
3. if you land on someone elses property....drink
4. if you land on free parking....drink a shot of whiskey 

.....and so it continued. Myself and Little Leaf couldnt keep up so went for a nap. When we came back there were only 2 players left in the game and 2 bottles of gin, a bottle of whiskey, 1 bottle of red wine, 1 bottle of white and 1 bottle of tequila along with about 12 cans of beer all gone and 4 very drunk men trying to beat each other at a never ending drinking game......all before 9pm. 

And finally, another way to keep ourselves entertained was the the use of comedy. One day, Bedside came back to the apartment with a bag of Scotch Bonnet Chillies. These chillies are the 7th hottest in the world and he challenged Magic to do the Scotch Bonnet challenge. This challenge consisted of taking the stalk off the chilli, putting it in whole in your mouth, chew it for 30 seconds, swallow and not drink anything for 5 mins. This was an insanely funny 5 minutes for everyone apart from Magic as he got the hiccups, eyes streaming, runny nose, the whole shabang whilst trying to explain to the camera exactly what was happening. It got even more insane when Dogwig said "He wouldnt do another one"....never challenge Magic, he WILL accept it, so in he popped another chilli much to our amusement and horror. I have honestly never seen anyone look in so much pain for the next 3 hours. Lesson to oneself? NEVER do the Scotch Bonnet challenge, you will get laughed at.

The Trial....Quite Bloody Literally

Steven Berkoff’s adaptation of The Trial is something I really enjoyed working on in my second year of uni as we did a show with 52 actors, 12 directors and about 20 designers and it is something I will never forget working on so when I saw that The Trial was going to be on at our venue in Edinburgh I was so excited to go and see it, it was at midnight as well which made it a slightly drunken affair at that.

Well….it BLOODY WELL WASN’T THE TRIAL!! Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING about it was wrong to the point where I nearly walked out 20 minutes into the show.

1.      The set was just a white box….we were in a cave for crying out loud, there is SO much they could have done with the setting but instead they put white paper all over the walls and floor. Idiots.

2.      They were multi role playing….BADLY! All of their characters sounded the same and it annoyed me to NO end that the only person who was American was the main character and the others were all cockney English, it made no sense what so ever.

3.      They completely changed one of the sexiest characters in the entire show into an old washer woman so goodness only knows what the heck they were trying to do there.

4.      Don’t even get me started on the costumes or I will rant for an eternity…..

5.      Half the cast looked like they had forgotten their lines the entire way through

6.      The Trial is very wordy….SO THEY CHANGED THE SCRIPT

7.      There was absolutely no enthusiasm on the directing front, I don’t even know where they were going with it but there was no movement the whole way through, it was stand up, sit down, try and do things in sync and fail miserably.

And to make it even worse I had dragged two of the actors from our little team of awesomeness along to see what I thought was a brilliant show, for them to walk out going “ummmm….what in god’s name was that supposed to be about?” Safe to say when we went postering at 1am I was stomping up and down that mile getting out my frustration at an hour wasted. Where is the silver lining to this story…..? On the stage of The Trial, where the border of the stage.... was silver. 

The Man That Never Rested.....

One of the guys in Edinburgh had ....how to put this.... Very interesting sleeping patterns. Not only does he snore like a steam train, he sleep talks, moves and has conversations with you randomly. Many a story to tell here.

Waking the Magic Man up was always a difficult affair as you couldn't ever tell if he was awake or just sleep talking. On the first morning of the show we started the ridiculous shower rota which started with me at 7.30 and finished with Magic at 9.10. At 9am Bedside decided it would be funny to wake him up with "your car, your car it's on fire, it's being stolen" Magic started wafting his hands on the air saying "painting, painting, I'm part of it" swiftly followed by punching Dogwig in the face. All of this he had no recollection of and his face was that of pure serenity the entire time. (I must admit this version does not do the hilarity of it justice but good luck imagining this in our tiny little living area....)

Other stories include the time Bedside force fed Magic 3 cans of red bull to him whilst sleeping....safe to say he woke up buzzing. His love for drinking water was also another sleeping adventure as he pretty much threw an empty glass of water at his face waking up to me videoing him, trying not to make a noise whilst laughing (to those of you who love to laugh in situations where it is NOT appropriate you would have pissed yourself in this situation) "ahh, what are you doing...?" 

Magic's air bed was let down one morning accompanied with him saying "going down....ground floor" 

Paree even tried to hypnotize him every morning just before he woke up with "it's time for your kung fu lesson". By the last day Magic's reply was "Yes, I know!".....in a month this was very impressive as we only told him a few days ago, no idea bless 'im! 

I dont know how this poor man EVER rested as he continuously moved ALL OF THE TIME!!! I am very surprised he didnt cause himself or anyone else any damage whilst in Edinburgh, instead we just got some BRILLIANT stories. Thank you for providing a month of hilarity Magic Man. 

Keep posted for more Edinburgh Fun Times......

Edinburgh Fun Times

Well. It's safe to say that August has been the most intense month ever!! I live with 5 people in their own separate rooms and that was enough to drive any sane girl mad. Now fortunately enough for everyone in Edinburgh, I am very much INsane so living with 8 people in a 2 bedroom apartment for a month drove everyone else crazy!

Now, luckily I got on really well with everyone and there were never any real arguments. Not sure if that was because we all genuinely liked each other or if we knew we had to endure each other's company in close proximity for 30 days and nights (10 short of an Easter trial, I think we should get brownie points big g....) but either way, it was not as bad as the boys make it out to be.

This is where the beauty of being a girl ccomes in. There were only 2 of us lovely ladies so we got our own room thank fudge sticks and lluckily she was tiny so didn't take up much room, so tiny in fact that she got the nickname Little Leaf presented to her pretty quickly upon arrival. When the couple's started arriving we got kicked out of our little girlie nest and put into the boys room.... With the snorers.... Not. Impressed. If it hadn't been for those wonderful quies ear plugs there would have been a murder on our hands! Speaking of which, that brings me to one of the many interesting stories from this trip.....

Us girls got attacked by the boys a lot!! Whether it was out of boredom or just for comedy sake I will never know but on one of these glorious afternoon's Little Leaf was getting attacked by dogwig. Little leaf has one hell of a set of lungs on her so naturally was screaming to be let go. An hour or so later we hear a knock at the door and find two police officers there. We are all in a bit of a daze as we are up early for the shower Rota and show so trying to get a nap before hitting the venues later. "we got a complaint about someone screaming for help. They said it sounded like they were underground. Have you heard anything?" at this point I'm trying desperately not to laugh at this bizare situation. "ummm, nope haven't heard anything. Good luck though" shuts door. Hysterics follow as we all know it was us and that this was just the beginning..... A month of stories to follow. Watch this space.